The Feminine Odyssey | An Introduction
If you grew up in Western culture, you probably see your life through the lens of the Hero’s Journey.
The Hero’s Journey centers on the idea that a hero should face his fears, persevere through trials, and sacrifice himself to save his community. You might recognize this story in films–Star Wars, the Lord of the Rings, and the Matrix.
Beyond appearing in popular films, this narrative shapes the way we approach education and career.
In fact, this seemingly abstract concept of the hero’s journey shapes our mindsets and habits from a young age.
Even as early as elementary school, we are taught to prioritize results. For most of us, our childhood schooling required us to neglect our natural desire to play in order to focus on becoming competent citizens.
As we get older, we are told to pursue majors and careers for prestige and financial incentive. We are taught to push ourselves past our limits in order to be successful–and that this is the only option for responsible people.
If you grew up in a religious household, there might have been an even greater emphasis on self-sacrifice and service.
The hero’s journey is all about being taken from your comfortable world to face danger and by sheer force of will, overcoming the obstacles.
We tell ourselves this story because it has value. We all have to grit our teeth and exercise perseverance in our lives. Sacrificing our comfort out of love for others is also noble.
But when this is the only story we are living out, when our entire existence becomes about serving others, we can feel incomplete.
In my case, I lived on autopilot. For years, I got the grades that were expected of me, pursued the career that had been deemed worthwhile, and kept myself on strict schedules with the intent of bettering my skills. In the minuscule margins of my life, I snuck in the things that I enjoyed–writing, psychology, and self-care.
But my life was not aligned with my heart. I didn’t know my personality or have an inkling of my purpose. It felt like I was competing for a prize that I did not care to win, that I was investing all my time and energy into something that I actually did not want.
I had been conditioned to push that feeling aside, to reason my way out of it. After all, achieving this goal of being a successful professional was more important than anything… right?
Like many of us, I unknowingly saw myself on the hero’s journey. Life was all about facing my fears and doing all I could to make a positive impact on the world. I filled my time serving others and meeting expectations that I had internalized as my own.
In many ways, this mindset was beneficial–I achieved all my goals, felt competent, and knew I was doing everything within my power to help others.
But deep down, I knew something was missing.
It wasn’t until I encountered Kim Hudon’s book, “The Virgin’s Promise,” that I was introduced to the concept of the Feminine Odyssey–a concept that would change my life.
The Feminine Odyssey is the mirror image of the Hero’s Journey–the Yin to its Yang. It provides balance and an alternative approach to life’s challenges.
In essence, the Feminine Odyssey encourages us to look inward rather than outward, to be honest with ourselves about our dreams, and to have the courage to stand up against others’ expectations for us.
In her book, Hudson explains the hero and the maiden are both tasked with “stand[ing] on [their] own and tak[ing] up [their] individual power” (6). But instead of answering the hero's question of whether or not he can survive on his own, the maiden must answer the question:
“Who do I know myself to be and what do I want to do in the world, separate from what everyone else wants from me?” (7, 8).
Having been raised in a culture that shunned self-focus as selfishness, the idea that self-reflection and authenticity are valuable shook up my whole worldview.
What if instead of pushing myself to do what I thought I was supposed to do, I brought the dreams that I had deemed “selfish” to light? What if I didn’t limit myself to being who I was supposed to be and instead, allowed myself to become “all that I am capable of being?” (3).
The Feminine Odyssey posits that it takes courage to confront reality–whether it comes in the form of an outward, draconian challenge or the raw messiness of your true self.
There is vulnerability and power in connecting to your heart’s desires and pursuing them.
This is the task of life that high-achievers and people-pleasers often miss. Without it, we become unbalanced and robotic. I would argue that for us women with more traditionally feminine temperaments, it is crucial to lean into this Feminine Odyssey to feel fully alive.
But how do we begin to counterbalance the Hero's Journey mindset, one that has been ingrained into us from childhood?
Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as joining in a spontaneous Disney musical number about what you want for your life.
Much like the Hero’s Journey, the Feminine Odyssey has archetypal stages. While the masculine side of ourselves often requires us to strike out on our own, prove our worth, and contribute to the wellbeing of others; the feminine side needs to establish psychological independence, get in touch with her emotions, and transcend old limits to create a new reality for herself and others.
Hudson puts it this way:
“Together, the [maiden] and hero represent the process of knowing yourself as an individual, internally and externally. They also represent two halves of having a relationship with yourself: self-sacrifice and self fulfillment” (10).
So how do we do this? How do we begin to participate in this countercultural journey back to our own hearts?
We’ll explore that in the next post, so stay tuned!
Hudson, K. (2010). The virgin’s promise: Writing stories of feminine creative, spiritual, and sexual awakening. Michael Wiese Productions.
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